Stupidopolis

“Dude, I think you popped my nose cherry!”
Can substitute any body part or organ in place of ‘nose’, to effectively and humorously communicate the damage incurred.

Yes, this is very late. As I, I’m sure you also were tired of hearing ‘occupy’ jokes a week after it started. But in order for me to move on, I have to write this down; it won’t leave me alone. What’s really stupid about it is that it’s just a one liner.

Day 6 and still no arrests in the ‘occupy my underpants’ protest rally.

I mean it can’t get much less interesting than that.

Now, about the real occupants. Enough has been said about how stupid, and/or ignorant these people are, so I will not address that. I have just two things to say to and concerning these people.
Although I am apparently one of the 99% they are rallying for, I really don’t want or need help of this nature. These people are an embarrassment at best. The signs they wave about baffle me, and speak of an in-bred ignorance and a deep-seated confusion and impotence.
And secondly, I believe that I have never in my life seen a more wasteful, messy, and dirty group of people. Did they all grow up with house cleaning services, or do they just feel that this demonstration exempts them from cleanliness and basic stewardship? I am being very kind here; the mess they leave behind is apalling, and a few weeks of public service would do each of them a world of good.

Yesterday evening I was driving my son home [in the mini-van of course] after picking up a copy of “Masks of Nyarlathotep” from Half-Price Books, because that’s just the kind of cool dad I am, when I noticed a black BMW sedan, probably a 7 series, approaching me from behind. We were on an exit ramp, so there was nothing I could or would have wanted to do to accommodate his desire to be in front of me, so I thought nothing more of it. As we neared the end of the cloverleaf we were on, and the lanes became available for us to enter the road for which we had exited, [there has got to be an easier way to say this, don't you think?] he, for I correctly assumed it was a man as you will soon see, tried to cut me off and get in front of me. Now the mechanics of “cutting off” usually involve vehicles in front of you preventing you from performing your intended maneuver. He, being behind me still, had very little power to prevent me from changing lanes, and I, having no desire to keep riding the cloverleaves [clover leafs?], promptly exited.  I admit I was a little pissed that he would attempt to prevent me from entering the road, which reminds me of another incident not two weeks earlier on the southbound ramp of this very same intersection, but that will have to wait for another time.  So he was still behind me, though just barely, and he was getting quite upset. He switched lanes and pulled up alongside me, rolled down his passenger-side window, and threw something small and hard at my van, like an apple, but a little smaller. I didn’t really see it; I just heard the thump it made when it hit the door of the van. I admit I was shocked. Where on earth is this acceptable behavior? I rolled down my window, since we were stopped at the light and yelled something stupid like “You don’t throw stuff at people’s cars!” I really thought at the time it was the proper response to such childish action. When the light turned green, he again changed lanes so he was behind me. I tried to see his license plate, but there was none on the front of his vehicle. At the light I turned right and as soon as I saw an opening, I pulled over to let him pass. When I began driving behind him, he stopped abruptly in front of me. There were cars parked on the side of the road, so there was nowhere I could go. I began reciting his license number as I looked for a piece of paper and a pen. Meanwhile, he got out of his car.  He was a white man with a full head of short dark curly hair.  He wore large sunglasses and had a cellphone glued to the side of his head.  I rolled up my window.  Instead of coming at me, he went to the trunk of his car. I wasn’t sure exactly what he was doing. He fumbled about with the trunk lid for a few seconds, and then went back to his door. He apparently had no idea how to open his trunk. While he was fiddling about with the trunk release, I saw a break in the oncoming lane of traffic, so I took it, drove round him,  and went on my way. Looking in my rear-view mirror, I saw he had finally succeeded in opening the trunk, had removed a 2 foot piece of  1″ x 4″ and was hurtling it at my van. It missed and bounced on the road behind me. Well that was exciting, I thought, but thankfully now it’s over and we can go home. Oh, but then I checked my rear-view mirror again and there he was right on my tail. I decided not to go home, but instead began to make my way to the police station.  I didn’t want him to know where we live, nor did I want to have to confront him myself, because as you can plainly see, he was a lunatic. But of course the way to the police station is not straight, nor is it devoid of stoplights and stop signs. In fact the next light was fast approaching, and it was red and I had to turn left, and there was already a car waiting there. I stopped and watched as he again got out of his car and threw what looked like it could have been a banana peel. I think he was, thankfully, running out of ammunition. The light changed, and I turned left. He chose not to follow me, but keeping in character, he made a right turn from the left turn lane. After I got home and parked the van several houses away from our house… just as a precaution mind you, I called the police and filed an incident report. My life is truly, but mercifully only for brief moments, one of those testosterone laden movies.

No, that’s not a typo. This calendar consists of a user definable number of special day calendars arranged in a grid of odd dimensions, in this case 399 calendars arranged in a grid of 19 columns by 21 rows. Today is the day in the center of the grid, and is denoted by red text. Each day, one page is removed from each of the individual day calendars in the grid, preserving today as the center of the grid. This elegant and versatile design easily overcomes each and every one of the shortcomings of the common day calendar. Below is a graphic representation of what such a calendar may look like.